A Fantastic Voyage
Writing Challenge 2024
Posted by Chris Sissons on Jun 19, 2024
Writing Challenge ยป Chris Sissons
Does anyone remember the 1966 film, “Fantastic Voyage”, starring Raquel Welch, where she was a scientist in a submarine injected into someone’s body? Or even more surreal, “Mr Tompkins Inside Himself”, where My Tompkins is injected into his body!?
Of course, this is all old hat and hospitals up and down the country make daily journeys like this. More or less.
It all started for me when my GP found proteins in my urine. This is one of the priority things where there is no waiting list, so I was fast-tracked to a session at the Hallamshire Hospital where the inside of my bladder was to be investigated.
Now, this is a scenario everyone dreads, you know that time when you leave the Doctor’s surgery with instructions to put your affairs in order. But we weren’t that far down the road just yet. I didn’t feel ill and didn’t worry about it or worry anyone else about it.
I was a bit concerned about the procedure. Apart from something drastic like an axe, there’s only one way in. I’ll leave it to your imagination – it’s more fun that way – wait until it’s your turn – Tee Hee. (OK, it isn’t as bad as you imagine it.)
So, there I am on a trolley next to a machine that goes ping. The nurse was very concerned that I wouldn’t fall off the trolley. It wasn’t that narrow. The second time she reminded me that I was in imminent danger of crashing to the floor I asked her how many of her patients had fallen off their trolley. “None”, she said. “Oh, I said that’ll look good on your CV.”
The Doctor let me have a look inside myself. We both agreed that as the insides of bladders go, it was pristine. I can confidently announce in public, should the fit ever take me, that my bladder is pretty good on the inside.
I gingerly dismounted the trolley of doom, got dressed and found some decent coffee.
A couple of weeks later I was copied into a letter from the Hallamshire doctor to my GP. Here is the first line: “Thank you very much for referring this pleasant gentleman to haematuria clinic.” Imagine my embarrassment after years of cultivating my Grumpy Old Man image to be diagnosed as a pleasant gentleman!
The image is of a glass of Adam’s Ale, guaranteed to keep kidneys and everything else happy.
This is Day 17 of Writing Challenge 2024. People all over the world take part in the WC. We write something every weekday for 4 weeks based on a prompt This year, I'll be sharing 21 articles based loosely on prompts about parts of the body. Do we fully appreciate the role things and stuff play in our lives? Each part of the body has certain things and stuff associated with it. (Probably!) I've no idea where this will go but hope you enjoy the journey. The introductory post was Things and Stuff. The last post was Brass Neck and the next is Why Did the Weasel Go Pop?
Comments
Leave a comment.
Leave a comment.
)
Bronze
Silver
Gold
Platinum
Palladium
Internal